How to Find a Therapist That Actually Helps Autistic People

If you’re wondering how to find a therapist who practices non-pathologising autism therapy, you’re not alone. Social media is littered with posts about curing autism. The therapy world has more than its fair share of practitioners who think autistic people just need to try harder to fit in. 

So how can you find a therapist who takes a non-pathologising approach to autism? I’ll talk you through what I mean by non-pathologising autism therapy, what to look out for when choosing a therapist and the practical steps to finding someone who can help. 

What is pathologising autism therapy?

Firstly, what do I mean by pathologising? If we start with the medical model of Autism Spectrum Disorder, the name alone implies there’s something wrong with you. People who use the medical model describe autism as a medical condition that requires treatment, focus on deficits and impairments and centre treatment goals around making behaviour more “normal”. Success is measured by how well someone can mask their autistic traits. 

Some red flags to look out for might look like:

• not being given information about what to expect

• feeling pressured to make more eye contact

• dismissing or minimising your perspective

• encouragement to focus on masking autistic traits. 

• infantilisation 

• offering “autism resources” that don’t match your needs

• any mention of ABA therapy

You are not alone

If you’ve tried therapy before and found it invalidating, unhelpful or harmful, you’re definitely not alone. Whatever modality of therapy you’ve tried, the goal should be to help you live life on your own terms and support self acceptance, not be yet another place where you’re forced to comply with discriminatory expectations. 

Part of the problem is that the majority of therapy training doesn’t include information on how to work with neurodivergent people. My core training gave me a solid foundation in non-pathologising approaches by teaching me to see the whole person beyond diagnostic labels. However, it didn't give me the autism-specific understanding I actually needed with my autistic clients. 

What is non-pathologising autism therapy?

Non-pathologising autism therapy, also referred to as neurodiversity-affirming therapy or neuro-affirming, takes a different approach. Therapists who work in a non-pathologising way see autism as a natural neurological difference. They balance focusing on strengths and recognition of the difficulties that arise when living in a world that doesn’t recognise or meet autistic peoples needs. 

It asks the question: “what if your problem as an autistic person is not that you’re not trying hard enough to fit in but that you haven’t been taught to value yourself in everything that makes you who you are - autism and all?”

It wasn't until I realised I was autistic myself and surrounded myself with other autistic therapists that I understood the massive gap between having good theoretical principles and knowing how to support autistic people in practice. 

What does non-pathologising autism therapy look like?

In non-pathologising autism therapy, your unique set of goals are respected: 

• Stimming is seen as a way to regulate your nervous system.

• Communication is clear and further explanations are given when needed.

• You are welcome to wrap yourself in a blanket or bring a comforting toy.

• Lack of eye contact can be seen as a way to regulate or access a state of deep thought instead of avoidance or shame.

• Explicitly inviting and make space for things like stimming, movement, comfort objects, sensory adjustments and sharing special interests.

• I often invite clients to check out with me what my facial expressions might have meant.

It especially recognises that there isn’t one way to work with autistic people but that each person’s needs must be individually addressed. 

Unlearning internalised ableism

It might also look like challenging your own internalised ableism by acknowledging the ways you are expecting yourself to live as if you aren’t autistic. Common themes I’ve noticed are people wondering if they’re “jumping on the bandwagon”, expecting themselves to have consistently high levels of energy, harsh internal criticism for being “weird” and forcing themselves to tolerate distressing social situations. 

How to find a therapist who practices non-pathologising autism therapy

A good place to start would be to use a specific autism directory like ours as all of our therapists are committed to offering a non-pathologising approach to therapy.

If you’re using other directories here are some green flags look out for:

• Terms like neurodiversity affirming or non-pathologising or neuro-affirming

• Identity first language (autistic people rather than people with autism) unless you prefer otherwise

• Recognition of strengths as well as challenges

• Not dismissing difficulties by framing autism as superpower

• Disclosing their own neurodivergence

When you meet your potential therapist, a good sign would be them asking about any communication needs you may have and offering specific accommodations you might need without you having to ask. 

Some questions you might ask them are:

• Do you view autism as a difference or a disorder?

• What specific learning have you done around neurodiversity-affirming approaches?

• How would you accommodate my sensory needs during sessions?

• Can you give me an example of how you've supported autistic clients in the past?
  

What if it just doesn’t feel right?

If you find that the answers don’t suit you or you just feel uncomfortable, that’s okay. The best predictor of successful therapy is a good fit between you and your therapist. It’s fine to say you don’t want to work with someone. If they have any difficult feelings about you turning down their offer of support, they will be able to deal with them in their own supervision and therapy. You can meet a few different therapists and choose the one that feels right for you. 

Ready to get started? 

Looking for non-pathologising autism therapy shouldn’t be this hard. We get it and we’ve responded by creating a directory specifically for non-pathologising autism therapists. Autistic therapists for autistic clients. If you’re ready to get started, come and browse through the therapists in our online directory. You deserve support that finally meets your needs. Author information. Here's a link to my listing on here https://www.autistictherapistdirectory.com/uk-autistic-therapists/alice-tew And my website www.alicetew.com And my instagram https://www.instagram.com/reparentingwithalice/